I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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