Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
