i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
