it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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