Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
