I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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