Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
