At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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