Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
