I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
