So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Rumble strips road head = magical
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
