ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize