I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
