i don't like sucking hair
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
