Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
