I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
