I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Alive.
So much puke
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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