I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
