it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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