I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
