I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
