Where is the hickey?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
