I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
