Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
