I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
