i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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