i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
