ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
