so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Watching her eat just hurts me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
