Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
