She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
