WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
