If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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