If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
