she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
