You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
