Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
