Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
