maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
