I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
