i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
