i already hear my dad disowning me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have post one night stand depression
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