My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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