How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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