i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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