and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
