P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize