I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
