Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think my vagina is haunted
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
