i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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