remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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