Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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