Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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