So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
