No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
