But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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