You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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