youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
