I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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