Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
