She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you never un-have a 4some
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
