Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
