Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
