Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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